The King is a Jerk
by NamelessBeetle
Summary: Fanfiction for YuGiOh Abridged. Really just a tester for my account... I found it amusing to write. T-rating for language.


This is my Yugioh Abridged Fanction. I Wrote 99% of it on the bus on my iPhone. I wrote it mostly to amuse myself, and I don't know if it really any good... ^^;;;

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><p>The King is an Asshole; Long live the King<p>

Kaiba sat facing Yuugi. A long table in front of them.  
>"Yuugi, I challenge you to-"<br>"Let me guess," Yami Yuugi scoffed. "A children's card game?" He folded his arms over his chest.  
>Kaiba laughed. "That's exactly what you'd expect from me, isn't it? But not today!" Kaiba snapped his fingers and butlers pushing covered trays came out of no where.<br>"Motou Yuugi, I, Kaiba Seto, challenge you to a drinking game!"  
>"Did you just say your own name because you like the sound of it?"<br>"Shut up! Reveal the challenge!"  
>The butlers pulled off the trays reveling all kinds of different kinds of alcohol. So many labels and names, Yuugi couldn't even read them all.<br>Kaiba smirked. "I had all these specially brought for you. Their imported from all over the country and all over the world!"  
>"And I didn't get you anything," Yami Yuugi responded.<br>"Tsk!" Kaiba grunted. "First round, light drinks!"  
>The first of many drinks where placed in front of both men. Yami Yuugi almost laughed. It was all mixed drinks and wine coolers.<br>"These are lady's drinks! Did Pegasus make these for you?"  
>"As a matter of fact, he did. Turns out Pegasus is a very talented bartender." Kaiba said inspecting a pink drink with an umbrella in it.<br>"Oh, wow, really?" Yami Yuugi was kind of shocked his joke back fired.  
>"Now we'll each be given six identical drinks, and must drink them all in the time limit. If you don't finish them all, you loose. If you throw up, you loose. If you pass out, you loose. The alcohol will get stronger as we go on. If I win, which I will since you're so short and clearly haven't reached puberty yet,-<br>"Hey, fEFFck you!"  
>"As I was saying, I want you to publicly denounce yourself as King of Games, with me as the new King!"<br>"That's what you want? Not my rare cards or the Millennium Puzzle or my hair styling tips or something of a higher value?"  
>"Screw you! I have money and you clearly have no idea how much being the best at a children's card game means to someone who already has everything! ...Wait, your hair styling tips?"<br>"What you think it looks this bloody good on its own! It takes me _hours_ to get it just right!"  
>Kaiba considered the styling tips for a moment. "No, the King of Games thing is worth more."<br>"Fine, but your green roots are showing!"  
>"Shut up and drink your fuzzy navel!"<br>"Wait, what do I get if I win?"  
>"I don't know, money?"<br>"Then I can buy more children's trading cards! Yes, I accept!"  
>The first round went pretty well, the drinks where light and had almost no conceivable alcohol taste.<br>"Light beers!" Kaiba said, flipping over his last glass.  
>"Really? Yuk." Yami Yuugi complained. "Is that PBR?"<br>Kaiba chose to ignore him. "Time start!"  
>Both men knocking back the beers without a thought. Although Yami Yuugi was disgusted by the taste<br>"Regular beer! Ales and stout!"  
>Six heavy and dark beers appeared before Yami Yuugi, most of the labels in English.<br>He chugged them hinting at the richer flavor.  
>"Aged wine!"<br>Six glasses of dark redish/purple wine.  
>"Did these come from Pegasus too?" Yami Yuugi commented. The room was starting to sway.<br>"Hey, I collect other things that children's trading cards and money! I collect wine and fine art too! And marbles, so when someone asks me if I've lost my marbles, I can show them my marble room and go 'No, they're all right here!' Hahaha!"  
>Yami Yuugi snickered. Kaiba was definatly getting drunk, if not there yet.<br>"Just start the damn clock!" Yami Yuugi said holding a glass ready to swig.  
>"Time start!"<br>Careful not to spill a drop on his white coat, Kaiba drank the wine. It was so exquisite, and he gloated that Yuugi would probably never get to taste this rarity of wine ever again.  
>Two more rounds of ever hardening liquor and Yami Yuugi was certain the room was spinning and possibly even melting.<br>"Hey, Kaiba, how many more rounds to go? Your dinning room is spinning!" Yami Yuugi wasn't even aware he was shouting, although Kaiba wasn't that far away.  
>"One more round. A full glass of moonshine." Kaiba was swaying in his seat. "And I'm going to win, shorty!"<br>Yami Yuugi growled.  
>"Listen, Kaiba, I was a flippen Egyptian Pharaoh in a past life! I could have smite'd you with a single word!"<br>"Did you just say "smite'd?'" Kaiba started giggling. "That's not a word."  
><em>Holy Ra, is Kaiba giggling?<em>  
>[How many dead puppies is that?]<br>"Before we go on, Yuugi, there's something I've been meaning to tell you..." Kaiba slurred.  
>"Oh this should be interesting..."<br>"I hate you. I hate you so goddamn much. I've got all the money and every fucking card that was ever made sex times over, and-"  
>"Did you just say 'sex?'"<br>"No, I said sex. SEX SEX SEX!" Kaiba stared laughing. "I can't say six. Ah, I did it! SEX! dammit!" Kaiba calmed down. "I think that you're a bigger an asshole than me. Which is one of the few things I'm ashamed about. How dare you flaunt all your friends and 'heart-of-the-cards' bullshit on me! My only friend is my brainwashed little brother! Goddamn, I'm so lonely!" Kaiba slammed his fists into the table.  
>Yami Yuugi just stared at him for a moment. It was unlike Kaiba to bare his soul like that.<br>"Kaiba, I'm sorry... No wait, no I'm not! You're a robot and your tried to kill me like 80 times! You're an asshole!"  
>Kaiba looked up from the table. His blue eyes foggy. "You really mean that? You think I'm an asshole?"<br>"You sang a flippin song about it! Of course you're an asshole!"  
>Kaiba instantly cheered up. "You're going down, Yuugi! Time start!"<br>Yami Yuugi smiled. And chugged the burning liquor.  
>"Oh Ra, that tastes like feet." Yami Yuugi gasped. The room started to spin, he felt as if the floor was going to swallow him whole. "Kaiba, I think I might need to go to the hospital..." Yami Yuugi gripped the table to keep from falling over.<br>"Then you admit you loose? And that I'm King if Children's Card Games!"  
>"Yes fine. Whatever! I didn't really want it anymore anyways! It's a hassle always being chased by fangirls and asked for tips on the game. It's so annoying..." Yami Yuugi griped his face to keep from spilling bile all over Kaiba's expensive looking rug.<br>"No! That's not the way I want to win! I want you beg me not to take and grovel before me!"  
>"Please Kaiba! I think I might have alcohol poisoning!"<br>"Of course you do! All of you're drinks where stronger! I want you to die, Yuugi!"  
>"You can't say that! This isn't season 0!"<br>"Oh right, then um, it's magic alcohol that will send you to the shadow realm!"  
>Yami Yuugi grabbed his stomach. "That doesn't even begin to make sense! Don't make me mind crush the hell out of you!"<br>"Then you're really dying?"  
>"Yes! Call me a fucking ambulance!"<br>"Hmm..." Kaiba mulled it over for a second. _Yu-gi-oh without Yuugi... Me as the King of Games... Oh wait, that's GX isn't it? Oh, hell no. We're not going there._  
>"Mokuba! Get The Blue Eyes White Dragon Jet!"<br>"I'm on it, Big Brother! To the Mokumobile!"  
>"That jet is so gay," Yami Yuugi said weakly.<br>"So are you." Kaiba said, picking up Yuugi. "Damn, you are a midget. What do you weigh, like 70 pounds? I think Mokuba is heavier that you and he's half hair!"  
>"Your brother is an Ewok?"<br>"Shut up."  
>Later at the hospital...<br>"So you cheated. That's against the rules," Yuugi said.  
>Kaiba stood there is silence.<br>"Uh, Kaiba. You're supposed to say-"  
>"I'm not saying it you can't make me! I'm King of Games now, I can make up whatever rules I want, and subsequently screw them!"<br>"No, you cheated." The Millennium Puzzled glowed. "The only thing you're King of is MIND CRUSH!"

End.


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